In-school Talks and Training

Worried about Social Media? Sick of Being the Screen Police? How to Work With Your Children to Get the Good Out of Screens Without Getting Into the Bad.

A cooperative approach to media use. I teach parents how to approach this as a health issue, rather than a reward/punishment issue. Parents learn how to how to work with their children to recognise what happens to them emotionally when they’re connected, test out strategies for managing their time on-line, and get the good out of screen use without getting into the bad. Participants learn and practice a tested method for creating a robust set of guidelines and ground rules with children. We’ll consider the latest research and also get some real-time practice using this new approach. This is a fast-changing topic that parents need to keep abreast of.

Parties - No Need to Panic! Working with Teenagers So They Can Make Merry Without Making You Miserable.

(Interactive talk for secondary-school parents, often given with my talk for secondary student ‘Parties, or How to Make Merry without Making Anyone Miserable’)

Kids just want to have fun, but many parents feel more trepidation than joy when their kids start talking about parties. How can you feel relaxed when your kids attend parties? How can you help them judge which ones will be fun to go to? What about the times they want to go but don’t get asked? And how can you help your kids host a party that will be a celebration not a decimation? This interactive talk teaches a method for creating a set of guidelines and ground rules with your kids for figuring out which parties to go to, what kind of party to throw, and what to do if things start going wrong.

Supporting Your Child’s Success: Encouraging the Growth Mindset.

on creating a culture of health, creativity, and challenge for their children. If you are using Growth Mindset to structure your curriculum, your parents will appreciate knowing more about it. I was a student of Carol Dweck, the originator of this research. All parents want the best for their children, and want their children to do their best, and we now know what kind of mindset you have makes a huge difference to how successful and happy you are. This talk explains what Growth Mindset is, what it isn’t, and how we can help children develop it. It explores how our reliance on praise can backfire, actually undermining growth and producing behaviour problems. Through stories and practical tips, participants will learn what real encouragement looks like instead. Parents will be able to help their children think ahead, solve problems, and master their motivation.

Transitions aren’t just change; they’re changeover.

(Interactive talk for secondary-school parents)

It’s nearly the end of the school year. Instead of saying ‘I can’t believe it’s over already!’ (yet again), come learn some tried and tested methods for helping children handle change, deal with uncertainty, and come out more confident and trusting themselves. In this practical, fun, interactive talk, we’ll look at what children facing transitions might need you to do (and not do). We’ll learn what kinds of support and encouragement they need, and how to avoid the pitfalls of unhelpful praise. You’ll go home with new skills for talking with your children and a new perspective on how to stay close while letting go.

Teenagers Need Privacy: How to Keep Close When Your Child Wants Some Distance.

(Talk for parents)

Many parents worry when teenagers withdraw from some parts of family life. Understanding that being alone helps children develop their identity can ease the worry and improve family relationships. We also look at when it is appropriate to worry and how to seek help.

Support Your Child’s Success: Encouraging the Growth Mindset.

(Interactive talk for parents.) All parents want the best for their children, and want their children to do their best, and we now know what kind of mindset you have makes a huge difference to how successful and happy you are. This talk explains what Growth Mindset is, what it isn’t, and how we can help children develop it. It explores how our reliance on praise can backfire, actually undermining growth and producing behaviour problems. Through stories and practical tips, participants will learn what real encouragement looks like instead. Parents will be able to help their children think ahead, solve problems, and master their motivation.

Screentime: How to Stop Being the Screen Police and Help Kids Regulate Themselves.

(Interactive talk for parents of children of all ages)

What we need more than ever now is a balanced alternative to managing screen time that goes beyond the scare stories. Parents need to know how to work with their children to recognise what happens to them emotionally when they’re connected, test out strategies for managing their time on-line, and get the good out of screen use without getting into the bad. Participants learn and practice a tested method for creating a robust set of guidelines and ground rules with children. We’ll consider the latest research and also get some real-time practice using this new approach.

Feelings First: The Basics Behind Children’s ‘Bad’ Behaviour - And What to Do to Help.

(Talk for parents of early years/primary children.) Helps parents of younger children learn to read their behaviour for underlying feelings and then address the unmet need. A fundamental tool for empathic and effective parenting. Good parents typically want to teach children how to behave and manage their feelings in a socially acceptable way. But our best intentions often backfire and we are left frustrated, shouting, or helpless with children who don’t listen. This talk explains why correcting children’s behaviour doesn’t improve it, and how to connect with children so that they want to behave better.

'We’ve Tried Everything and Nothing Works’: Why Punishment Doesn’t Work (for long) - and Alternatives that Work Better.

(Interactive talk for Primary/Early Years Parents.) Parents want to teach their children how to be responsible and learn right from wrong, yet the methods we’ve been taught can have the opposite effect. Frustrated parents find themselves swinging between being too strict, then feeling guilty and being too lenient. Nothing seems to work. This talk looks at why punishment and reward teach the wrong lessons. We then practice a stable approach that teaches children to take responsibility, control their own behaviour - and builds harmony at home.

Morning and Bedtime Aggravations and What to Do About Them.

An ever-popular topic teaching parents how to enhance their children’s independence and competence whilst they themselves sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee.

The Down-Side of Praise - and What You Can Do to Help Kids Feel Good About Themselves.

(Interactive talk for Primary/Early Years Parents.)

We all know that having high self-esteem will help our children succeed. We’ve been told that praise is a good way to build it. This talk investigates why self-esteem should NOT be parents’ main focus and why some types of praise backfire. We then learn how to encourage our children and help them feel good about themselves and people around them. Praise has unintended consequences, lowering kids’ self-esteem, and motivation, and increasing parents’ frustration and resentment. I show parents how to encourage without praising and manipulating.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Helping Your Early Years Child Settle in School.

(Talk for Early Years parents).

Starting school is an enormous milestone in our children’s lives. This talk helps parents think about the settling process as the first school transition of many to come. Parents are encouraged to think about the qualities they want their children to develop during this transition, qualities like courage, enthusiasm, empathy, and resolve, and how their own approach will serve as a model for their children. Instead of using deception or blind hope, parents learn how to create a practical structure that will support their children and themselves. Finally, we discuss what to do if she says she doesn’t want to go anymore, or she has no friends, or can’t use the toilet at school.

Managing Meltdowns: How to Read the Need and Tame the Tantrum.

(Talk for parents of Early Years children).

All behaviour is communication about how a child is feeling. When they feel good, they behave well - and the same goes for when they feel bad. When tantrums happen, parents can help their child back to emotional balance if they learn to ‘read’ the tantrum. This talk shows the difference between tantrums and meltdowns, explains how to give good attention without giving in, what to do in public, and how to prevent tantrums in the future.

Communicating with Students. Learning to Listen, Read Behaviour, and Take Effective Action.

(In several formats: Full 2-day Training workshops, or 6-session career development, or brief 2-session training)

Teachers learn how to build strong, supportive relationships with students while increasing their authority and influence. They understand how to help children move past feelings that get in the way of learning, without getting sucked into being overly ‘helpful’ or meting out punishments that will backfire. They also practice taking effective action when children’s behaviour is unacceptable and finding wise and durable solutions to ongoing problems.

Understanding and Working with High-Functioning Autism.

Teacher Lunchtime Seminar (this talk is also for a parent audience)

When teachers understand the how autism works, they find it easier to work with children who have autism. Instead of getting into explosive power struggles or triggering meltdowns, teachers can help students overcome the hurdles that autism puts in their path and get on with school. Teachers will appreciate the strengths that autism can bring to the classroom.

Understanding and Helping Children with Eating Disorders and Self-Harm.

Teacher Lunchtime Seminar (this talk is also for a parent audience)

It can be baffling to work with children who are harming themselves. Most adults just want to tell children to stop, but they rarely do. Instead the behaviour becomes more hidden. When adults can appreciate the psychological role these behaviours play for children, they can get appropriate help.

Parties: How to Make Merry without Making Misery.

(Talk for secondary students)

Disappointment, Bad Choices, and Failure: Are They the Keys to Happiness?

(Talk for U6 after Uni admissions results)

An exploration of healthier ways of looking at things we normally take as negatives in life and using them to motivate ourselves to keep moving forward. U6 students experience enormous pressures, waiting to hear about university admissions, preparing for exams, and facing the reality that their sheltered time in school is nearly over. They will likely face disappointment. They fear failing. Many are anxious. This talk re-examines things we normally think of as negatives - disappointment, making the ‘wrong’ choice - to understand how they are the seeds of ‘positive’ things can help you bounce back quickly. Using stories and science, we question whether getting what you want makes you happy, and look at how to synthesise your own happiness so you never feel the victim of fate.

Steering through Sixth Form. Using Focus and Feelings to Adapt to Change and Handle the Work.

(Talk for new L6)

I show Lower Sixth how to get their feelings working for them, teach what the 3 rules of anxiety are, and work with them to develop their own focus for their future. Leaving behind the security of GCSEs can be a shock for L6, suddenly coping with increased independence in 6th Form. This talk teaches young people how to develop their focus and leverage their feelings, even anxiety, to adapt to their new role and keep on top of work.

Keeping Your Head Through Upper Sixth: Plan Your Work & Work Your Plan.

Talk for new U6 on using psychological techniques to manage intense workload without burning out. Exploring the Eisenhower Matrix, this talk helps students build a good plan, deal with distractions and avoid self-sabotage. We learn about how our human psychology biases us toward procrastination and how to counteract it. We discuss the difference between tasks that are important and those that are just urgent and how to reduce stress by shifting the balance toward doing work that is important. Students come away with greater understanding of their own relationship with work and practical ways to improve it.

Learn how to build strong, supportive relationships with students while increasing your authority and influence. You’ll understand how to help them move past feelings that get in the way of learning. You’ll also know how to take action when their behaviour is unacceptable and find wise and durable solutions to ongoing problems.

Morning session: What’s the Problem? Learning to Listen and Reading Behaviour.

Most of us don’t really know how to listen to someone who’s telling us about a problem. We get caught up in thinking about solutions and behaviour and we miss the message. In this session, we’ll learn how to listen. We’ll see how emotions affect behaviour, why they matter, and why what we normally do when a child is upset can backfire. We’ll practice 4 simple skills that work better.

Why don’t our usual methods work? We’ll experience some real-life scenarios to feel for ourselves the effects of giving advice or pity, ‘making them feel better’, dismissing or distracting, asking criticising questions, interpreting motives, judging, explaining the other person’s point of view … or otherwise ‘teaching that kid a lesson’. We’ll consider the dangers of ‘being nice’ and how it leads to resentment, anger, and punitive reactions. We’ll learn about the basic psychological needs, like attention and respect, and what happens when they’re not met.

Our own feelings and beliefs often get in the way of listening well. Through brief plays we will highlight how our own emotions drive us to respond in unhelpful ways. Are we afraid? annoyed? distracted? We will challenge the beliefs that underly these feelings and offer alternative ways of looking at the situation.

How often have we felt overwhelmed by an upset child because we feel it’s our job to fix it for them? You’ll understand why it’s not your job to fix it. How, in fact, you’ll only make it worse by trying.

How often have we been aggravated by a child’s bad behaviour because we feel they’re not respecting us? You’ll come to see ‘bad behaviour’ as communication, not a challenge to your authority. And after the afternoon session, you’ll know how to help kids communicate better.

Afternoon session: Action! Power vs Influence (or what do you actually DO once you understand how they feel?)

Learning to listen better is not the whole story. You still won’t be effective if you don’t know what to do once you understand how a child feels — though just understanding the situation often makes the problem evaporate. How can you help? How can you ‘get’ them to cooperate? How do you deal with an on-going problem that just doesn’t seem to shift?

In this session, we’ll learn what to do when you need some action. Starting small, we’ll practice a simple, 5-step formula for requesting a change in behavior. Then we’ll look at more complicated problems.

When problems are on-going we can feel powerless to solve them. That’s often when people turn to punishment; they use their power position to make the child comply. But it doesn’t work (for long) -- and we’ll learn why. Through role play, we’ll experience the effects of punishment on relationships and self-control. We’ll see why it often reinforces the very behaviors we’re trying to extinguish. Then we’ll try out 5 alternatives that help you stay in control and help the child get back on track. Finally we’ll practice the ultimate behavior guidance tool: problem solving. Developed for negotiating international conflicts and reasoning with hostage-takers, problem-solving gives you a robust structure for figuring out what’s wrong and what to do about it.